In the past week since I have been back, I have been bored to the muscles. That is not to say I have not been enjoying the autonomy of sleeping and waking up whenever I want and wasting however much time I want just doing plain ol nothing. But it is tinged with gloom and guilt as well. Kind of. While school has been kind to start us off at a mercifully slow pace, it has, nevertheless, started. And this makes me a few steps closer to proper term starting, assessments starting and exams at the crack of spring next year. Which means I should be encouraged to start picking up on my studies which I have happily filed and shelved for half a year now.. And I know the sooner I start, the better. Why then, am I procrastinating? Terrible discipline I have.

To be honest, clinicals have not exactly been stressful (except for the guilt that I have, as a result, been neglecting my studies), but they can get physically tiring. No, I correct myself. They can get quite exhausting. This was particularly bad towards the end of my 3rd year, where

1. i was doing my peri-op block which = standing for hours in the very cold OTs

2. long days + ITU days

3. mei yun came to visit

4. went to london with meiyun

5. went shopping with meiyun

6. had alot of fun shopping and eating while meiyun was here

7. slept for ~3h per night while meiyun was here

8. paula and xinyis graduation and the excitement of families visiting and the prospect that i was witnessing my future in 1.5 years

9. there was the excitement of packing and flying home

10. i had prepared nothing for my periop exam, considering the above (plus i had a blocked and inflamed ear)

and in the midst of it all i kept having a vision of myself, the moment i had nothing else to worry about, doing this

which did not happen, because of #9 and #10. Still, I'm sure that in a matter of months, when the grey gloomy winter is here coupled with the notion of having to study in the grey gloomy lack-of-distraction leicester, this picture of my anguished self reaching for my bed would keep popping into my head again.

This year is supposed to be a productive year! I had the aims of learning a. photography (if I can join the society without actually owning a camera) b. photoshop (which I installed on my 2nd day back! ha!) c. a muscial instrument (if ebay guitars are still going at 99p) d. not being tempted to join volleyball again e. making better use of all the time i spend watching random shows on my laptop, reading repeat storybooks, sleeping and doing nothing. Better use as in pick up my books and notes. I could achieve so MUCH.

Soo... Cross fingers to a more accomplished year. I am so bored my right shoulder + back muscles have gone all stiff and achy from inactivity. Or maybe it is my sleeping position. Or maybe it really IS my 31.9kg luggage ++. Ha. Homehome IS the best. Want wind get wind; want rain get rain. More importantly want sun get sun. Haha Pa Mi you still owe me my moon. I asked for it 3 weeks ago already :D

Meh. So gutted to be back (must speak like ang moh now that I am here). I feel sooo forced and fake all the time. No wonder I always feel tired. I've had to summon up all the enthusiasm I could muster to convince people that I am fine, that I had a fundertastical! holiday, to laugh at not very funny jokes, and to suppress my urge to say stupid things. Ha. Have to get used to it again..