I am dissertating in NUS library now. Or so I claim. Home is full of unintentional distractions and so in the boring (but air-conditioned) world of librarydome I find myself looking for distractions: toilet, sound of rain, hotmail (which I only succeeded on signing in after I had given up the 1st 3 times and continued with a few sections of dissertation.. my computer KNOWS..), facebook.. And I have now run out of options.

I seem to have packaged by drive, motivation and enthusiasm and shipped it away to Leicester coz I was still all pumped up at first but these days I am constantly feeling not just normal tiredness, but exhaustion from grocery shopping and generally stepping out of the house. (A small girl has just walked past my table in a polo T and PE shorts and I am wondering how she is not feeling cold) Due to my fatigue, I have taken to speaking in a soft, calm voice and showing little or no facial expression. It isn't deliberate, my body just seems to be rationing my energy: morning 1000kcal for the useless 1h spent brushing teeth, rolling out of bed, changing, breakfasting etc. after which I grow tired, afternoon 1kcal to be used for napping, night uses a few more kcal to totter around the house aimlessly before deciding it is late enough to sleep. It isn't even that time of the month.

Shit. I know there is something I want to blog about.. Oh. I was thinking how I felt like a deflated potato, because I seem to have used up all my starch and yet need more and more energy coz of more and more things to do and think about. Like how Dumbledore felt about sometimes having too many things to think about and your head feeling too full. Today when I was starting my disso there was a something nagging in my brain that distracted me. 'Just 1 of the many small things which I have not done but will push to later to do' I thought. Turns out it was a twinge of annoyance at people who did not reply messages/emails that needed replying. Hai. I call this retribution. I am like that too. Getting my own desserts. Desserts reminds me of dissertation. Which is what I should be doing. I want to desert my dissertation.

Anyway, after that I got back to writing and luckily, decided to finally check my school mail. And horror of horrors, shit of all shits, there was yet another library notice telling me this time that they were concerned about my overdue book. I distinctly remember forgetting to return that book and so remembering to return it in the end so I have no idea what the hoolabaloo is about. Even if I hadn't, I renewed it.. last week and the email today tells me I haven't. I think it is an international secret library scheme (SLS) that libraries randomly pick students with convenient traits and accuse them of not returning books. When the poor students insists helplessly that they did return the book nobody is going to believe them because there is conveniently no proof, no reliable witness and the video camera does not span the book drop slot. Anyway, that is another thing that has been niggling at me and preventing me from giving my utmost concentration to my more important tasks. I really wish I will receive an email of apology from the school library soon, telling me that they viewed the video footage on 13th June Monday at 9.50a.m. and saw me slip 'systemic pathology' into the bookslot and that they are sincerely sorry and will allow me unlimited book access and library privileges for the rest of my undergraduate life to compensate for their accusation.