Furball, dog, or rag?

duh. that was a dumb question. obviously it's a dog. by the way, that's my ex-dog. the 2 stumps at the end are supposed to be his legs and the spool of thread at the backside is his tail. ah.. so cute. to think that at the time this photo was taken he was already sufferin from the disease. kidney. yup dogs get that too. but to put him on drip for the rest of his life just to sustain his life at the frankly, pathetic, stage, leaving him dangling by a thread, or rather, a rubber band, bouncing back and forth between life and death, was out of the question. so he was put to sleep. was the best thing to do, though many would argue that euthenasia is just bad, bad and completely bad. the opportunity cost was just the remaining few days, or perhaps, few hours, so it was the next best alternative. would've done the same if there were to be a repeat. surprisingly, i didn't cry or express much. true, i was sad, but it seemed i was more shocked than sad so got over the thing fairly quickly. people HAVE to learn how to let go, i suppose, but i didn't want to and din know how coz it was the first time something so close was gone for good.

eek. i'm getting emotional. which leads me on to the many thoughts i have thought about in the past month or so. several talks with people who seem to know me better than i know myself have forced me to admit things about myself which i never would have done, say, last year. i believe it is precisely because i have refused to admit certain things about myself that i seem not to know myself well.

several things i have realised:
1. i am unintentionally intimidating
2. which is what i do to boost my bloody ego
3. because i tend to feel (ouch) insecure and unconfident

i surprised myself by those revelations. ah.. puberty sucks. it rudely jerks young, innocent adolences (me) awake to look at the real world and to realise how fake we are or how fake we have to be to survive in the bloddy real world. so contradictory huh? we have to be fake to survive in the real world. shouldn't it be "we have to be fake to survive in the fake world"?

i have a childish notion. and that is for everyone to return to junglehood and just join the animals in their food chain. just live to live. what an innocent and transparent life that would be. if 2 people were fighting for the same chicken, they'd just openly fight it out. no sneaky plots to trap your rival hunter, your job would just be to trap animals. isn't it cool to think about how life would be without economic struggles..